Thursday, May 12, 2011

Chris Phillips' Mailbag: Sugar Daddy

What is this new exciting thing sweeping the Bloggosphere?  Why, it's Chris Phillips' Mailbag of Course!  If you want to be uber popular with all of your friends and get a question answered by Chris Phillips, then just send him and email, leave a comment, or mail him a birthday card with $5!

This Week's Letter comes to us from Hart Johnson of Keweenaw, Michigan.  Hart Writes:
Dr. Mr. Phillips,

Are you interested in being an online sugar daddy, whereby you sent me money to support the lifestyle of a relatively successful writer, and I will can you Pooh-bear and daddio and talk about how generous you are?

See, I can't do the real thing, because HWMNBMOTI would take issue, but probably he'd be okay if it was only in writing. I'd be willing to cease and desist posting naked man butts as of the arrival of the first (large) check...

Sincerely,
Can't Hurt to Ask 

Hart,

I would love to be someone's sugar daddy.  However, if it's online, I'm technically only getting <10% of the experience, and therefore, you would also only get that much back.  So instead of a hundred dollars I would send you two scratch tickets and the Baltic Avenue I got from the McDonald's Monopoly game.  Also instead of a fur coat you would only get a fur from a squirrel my dog killed.  It really doesn't seem cost efficient in my opinion.  But if you still like the idea, email me your address and I'll start mailing your "perks" right away.  

Forever Yours,
Chris "Sugar Daddio" Phillips

16 comments:

  1. You need to write comedy! Hope that is what you are doing.

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  2. Giving up Baltic Avenue - now that's a sacrifice!

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  3. I'm BETTING she'll say yes - it's so enticing. hehe

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  4. Deal of a lifetime if you ask me.

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  5. Instead of the mink coat, you could send a pair of mittens made of armpit hair!

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  6. What are you trying to say about my armpits?

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  7. Yo "Sugar Daddio", are those used scratch tickets? Because if they're not already scratched for me I just can't use them. See I have this thing called the lazy factor, and there's nothing I will finish if I can truly help.

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  8. You ARE a comedian!! Love this Chris. :) Seriously, I'm still laughing. :D

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  9. *gigglesnort* Excellent! A 10% Sugar Daddy is definitely better than no Sugar Daddy! And if I had 10 10% Sugar Daddies, I would totally be set! I'll send you my address for the 10% of my diamond necklace!

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  10. Oh, that is hilarious. I just coughed up my coffee. P.S. Love your new profile pic.

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  11. Score on the squirrel skin and McD's monopoly tickets.

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  12. I have to agree, that was pretty effing funny.

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  13. Probably for the best. I mean, you're right on the <10% thing. Maybe someday all your dreams will come true.

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  14. Ha ha. Never heard of an online sugar daddy before.

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  15. Oh that is just too funny for words!!! :) But no, Hart, don't stop posting them, NOOOOOOO :D

    Hugs,

    Rach

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