Thursday, April 28, 2011

Chris Phillips' Mailbag: Jelly Beans

This week's letter comes to us from Summer Ross of Washakie, Wyoming.  Summer Writes:

Hi.  I had a great Easter.  How was yours?  Speaking of Easter, What kind of Easter jellybean would you be and why?

K Bye!

My Easter was delightful.  Believe it or not this question has nothing to do with what kind of jelly bean I like.  In your scenario, I have no arms or legs and I'm going to eventually be eaten to death.  The question your posing truly is, "Chris, How do you want to die(if you were a candy bean thingy?)"

Here are my options:
-I could choose to die quickly by being a red jellybean, because that is the best flavor.
-I could choose to watch my friends the red jellybeans die and then also get eaten quickly by being the orange, pink, or yellow jellybeans.
-I could choose to be ignored and picked around, and still killed later by being the green jelly bean.
-I could choose to wait for my death but confuse my killer by saying, Ha!  I don't even really taste like grapes at all!  Booyah!" and be the purple jellybean. 
-Or I could wait and die mostly of old age until I am eaten and then spit out by some kid who didn't know black jellybeans were probably the worst idea ever.

I'm going to choose the path of the quick and the dead and go with red.  Hope this helps.

Your Special Jellybean,
Chris Phillips


  1. I'm in love with your humor!! Please tell me you're single.

  2. hee hee hee! dude! your posts are a day brightener! :)

  3. I, for one, love black jellybeans - so you'll never escape!

  4. OMG, you have me rolling!
    And I don't like black jellybeans either. Another option: the Harry Potter jellybeans that taste like vomit or diapers! But then again, you'd be chewed and spit out and suffer...Red is clearly the most intelligent choice.

  5. You rock! And, yeah, who was the genius that invented black jellybeans?!

  6. Oh, the plight of the jellybean race-wars.

    Me? I actually like the black jellybeans. You'd be in for a quick demise if you were my beans...

  7. I'm liking the black Jelly Beans as well...

  8. Poor jelly beans! The red ones are definitely the best! :)

  9. I'd like to be a pina colada.

  10. Ha ha! Death is merciful when you're a Jelly Bean.

  11. The black jelly beans are my fav...I think you are brave to just jump down the dark pit of the throatasaurous Rexpipe like a man and just go first. *fist pump* You da man!

  12. A merciful death. I was wondering about those black jellybeans. Chewed and spit out? That's a pretty bad fate, unless Regina found you first.